I know that the relationship between him and me was not meant to be because I am a true believer that guy should start first or in a different way of saying - to propose. But in this case it was me! Sigh, I do not know...but all I know is that I really loved him very very much and I just wanna be by his side. And so I popped the question during Ramadhan after a special night after a special occasion and after a special plea with God :) I do have normal conversational session with my God as HE had promised each and every one of us that HE will always be there for us.
I thought it was a bad move because he kept quiet for few days and I thought "You are such an idiot girl! You have had a nice friendship and relationship and you have done a very good job at destroying it"! At least that is what I thought before he called to say that he accepted it :) There were things which he have said to me on that night that I still remember and still make me smile till today. But if you don't mind, I would like to keep it to myself :)
Well, time flies and honestly no one spoke about breaking up but I noticed we were getting far apart in every aspect. Even when I was with him, he would talk about that 'kakak' I mentioned up there and also about the girl his mother was interested in, to match make with him. And that point of time, I was still his girl friend! Like I said, no one said anything about breaking up.
I was really heart broken, because he is (yes it's a present tense and not past tense - for some reason) my first love. Honestly, after that incident, I can only look at guys as friends and not more than that. Its very hard for me to comprehend but yes, friends is all it is. Its not that I forced myself to avoid relationships but I did not see anyone with the same feeling I had when I was with him. Pathetic, yup indeed I was and perhaps I still am. I do not know what's the future holds for me but I do know that HE is with me along the way :)
To be continued...