Meaningful and meaningless

What's with the post title anyway? I don't know,I guess that pretty much  sums up what I am currently feeling. Well at times, when I am all alone I tend to wonder about the things which I have done, decisions which I have made etc. And then I will be judging my own action and the results of it. Lately I questioned a lot of things revolving whether or not it's worth of something or nothing at all. Was the efforts really worth it or just to buy time before other things started coming. Sheesh, pathetic ....I really don't know. Ramadhan blues....is there really one?

In Islam and perhaps most religion, there is an Afterlife which resulted from your before death. I kept asking myself if I have enough of what is needed for me to pass through to Jannah. Was I sincere enough in performing my tasks?Was I able to contain my frustration so that I don't end up hurting people?Was I a good leader who manage to put aside all the favours for the sake of my team?Am I a good daughter who rarely put worry thoughts to my parents mind (to use the word never is impossible I guess).Have I been a good friend to my friends without asking anything in return?

And since I will be getting married soon, Insyaallah,will I be able to be a good wife....then mother? A lot of things scares me and I am uncertain if I will live that long to be able to collect more pahala,make less dosa if not none,seek forgiveness from everyone whom I have hurt intentionally or un-intentionally,forgiving those who have hurt me....

Allah has been blessing with everything and anything which I can remember.The test HE gave provided the training to make me a better person. And I hope I will continue to be one. Thank you Allah.